Margot Velvet

Tag: full moon

  • Full Moon in Sagittarius

    Full Moon in Sagittarius

    A MoonOmens live Global Meditation ::: 6/5/2020

    “I am allowed to believe
    in myself. I am allowed
    to be proud of myself.
    It is my duty to shine.”

    -Tricia Huffman

    The past couple of weeks have been rough. I am dealing with a new body; not quite so different and yet radically changed.

    I am lighter in form, but struggling. I have been changing my daily rituals, routines, and habits to become healthier in many ways but bettering myself in some ways is wrecking havoc in others.

    Initially I was 322 lbs and constantly menstruating, losing so much blood in such large quantities that it was disrupting every aspect of my life. My uterine lining was nearly triple normal thickness. I was physically and emotionally drained. I was spending huge amounts of money on feminine products. I missed work due to uncontrollable blood clots and ruining my clothes midday. I stopped having sex with my husband. Everywhere I went, I needed to know where the bathroom was in case of the inevitable emergency. My hands were raw from washing them all day long. I became inhuman in the eyes of doctors and was instead a diagnosis: morbidly obese with endometrial hyperplasia. Doctors ran tests to determine the cause. I had painful procedures done to my most intimate parts that still scare me to think of. All of this and the answer was: you’re just too fat. Fat stores estrogen. Estrogen promotes uterine lining growth. I bled almost every single day from March 2019 – February 2020. I became a shadow of who I once was.

    I lost 55 pounds in three and a half months which has put an end to that problem. At first it was a miracle. Daily life resumed. The burden on my wallet ended. I could go out and have a normal social life without worrying that I’d need to leave early with a jacket wrapped around my waist. No more emergency trips to Walgreens. No more awkward bathroom trips. But something else was stirring and I knew for a while this was not sustainable.

    I ended up in the emergency room on June 7th. The events leading up to that are uncomfortable to speak of and I’m not sure I want to divulge the details anyway. All of the inner turmoil served as background noise to my life over the last several weeks. It was hard to meditate and reflect on anything in particular. My body was so out of balance that meditation could not be a tool for introspection, only relief from the present.

    Things are already improving now and for that, I am exceedingly grateful. I am not sure how much littler I can become. I set a goal of 220lbs. I am currently 40lbs shy of my end goal and I don’t know if I can reach it. It saddens me to think that it might just be impossible. It’s something I need to reevaluate and get comfortable with.

    I did participate in the Global Meditation… but I fell asleep. I needed it.

    The full moon in Sagittarius released some burdens for me and has made things clearer in its beautiful light. Thank you.

    I am looking forward to the next meditation on the 21st. A lot has happened in a short amount of time and I am ready (and capable!) to jump back in.

  • Full Moon in Scorpio

    Full Moon in Scorpio

    a MoonOmens live Global Meditation ::: 5/7/2020

    “Everything I am experiencing
    right now is guiding me to the
    next level of my spiritual awakening.
    I’m becoming better, well rounded,
    and capable of anything
    I set my mind to.”

    ~ Lukas Notes

    My garden is dark and murky. Last time it was comfortable black and green and glowing teal, with seaweed-like plants waving gently in an un-felt breeze. Today the atmosphere is a muted burgundy red, like old brick. It is welcoming, just different. Still, the landscape is a soft dreamy sage. Glittering something, particulates of stardust hang like miniature cottonwood seeds, twirling just above head.

    I can see Taurus leaving, his lavender tail swishing with each step like a strap of willow leaves. I sit beside my Intention plant – what was just my Light Seed 2 weeks ago. It is small; it is only 6 inches high. It is a brighter green compared to the other smoked out grass and foliage nearby. There are no blossoms but it has long, thin leaves that stretch out and they are strong, similar to those on a corn stalk. I don’t touch it, but I put my hands in the wet, dark earth beside it and I can tell the plant is happy. It is not ready.

    Scorpio is in the garden. He is small and black and shining, reflecting the great light of the full moon. He is about 10 inches long, 5 inches wide. I was wondering when he would appear… I am filled with fear. Dread. Anxiety. Motionless, unblinking, he remains. Menacing. He chitters closer, with a pitter patter snapping tap dance of spines and claws. Danger alarms are going off within me and I want to flee but I know he is there with a purpose and he has a lesson for me. I close my eyes for a moment and a take a deep breath, taking in the sweet cleansing air of my burgundy-mauve garden, and the apprehension pours out as my body sinks into acceptance and readiness. So, then. A lesson. I am ready.

    I reach out to Scorpio and place him upon the skin of my bare thigh. I sit cross-legged in the dirt. He is prickly. His eyes are deepest black. We are quiet together and I slowly become more and more at ease with this creature that instilled such fear. And I can hear the lesson already, echoing in my own voice in my mind, “When you aren’t afraid to feel fear, there cannot be any fear at all.”

    … And I chuckle. Was that it?! All of that drama, little Scorpio? For a lesson so simple and obvious… but so needed. He almost seems to smile… for a bug.
    Relieved, I lay back in the garden and look up at the fullness of the sky and the Super Flower Moon is pink and lovely above us. Scorpio settles in my lap and we are napping before I even realize it.

    I awake back in reality. I did not get to water my Intention plant nor say goodbye to Scorpio, but I will be back soon. I need to learn more. Scorpio has always intrigued and mystified me. Knowing Scorpio is like trying to remember a dream while waking from it (I guess that explains why I married one).