Can you feel the change in the air? (protests and anger and “for-the-good-of-all”s)
A pulsing, magnetic hum (vibrating in my chest)
Inescapable (heat in every breath)
Unavoidable (in every room)
Uncomfortable (like nothing fits right)
This is what Beginnings feel like.
______________________
I LOVE eclipse season. Perhaps its because I was born during the shadow of a total solar eclipse. I was born into the waves of change; I learned to walk in the pulling of the tide.
I turned 37 this week.
New Moon Solar Eclipse ::: 6/21/2020
“I am grateful for this new cycle.
As I heal and cleanse myself of the past,
I grow by the new light that shines
upon me. I am one with the Moon.
I trust my path. All my dreams now
come true.”
~ Carrie Marie Bush
I had every intention of participating in the Live Global Meditation with MoonOmens, but I missed it.
I was deeply engaged in ArtBrain, working tirelessly. I was inspired by another artist, unknown and uncredited, who lent their image to some (likely) wholesaler. It was a foam-backed pendulum board showcasing a gorgeous four-eyed woman with her hands held in prayer, eyes closed, titled Astral Woman. Above her head were mandalas and sacred geometry, crescent moons and glittering stars. At around 11pm on the 20th, I went to work digitally painting my own version. I labored until 5am, then resumed around 10am. After finishing up the painting, I submitted it to OfficeDepot for print and a very polite man (in mask and gloves! thumbs up!) brought out the finished copies to me curbside.
I worked until midnight creating the final pieces and did not even hear the ping of my phone in the distance through my fervor.
She is not my own creation, but there’s a touch of me in it. She is so lovely and beautiful.
The art I make brings joy and wonder. I’ve been told it’s immature and undeveloped. It’s true that I often create works inspired by others. I know their art is valid, so if I create my own version of something, or a spin off of something else, it is also likely to be successful. I make it different enough that it becomes it’s own thing with it’s own spirit, but it’s creation was driven by imitation-labelled-inspiration. Perhaps the end result is not true to the Divine inside me… but it is fun and exciting. Kind of like reading a gossip magazine (when you know there are “real” things to read) or indulging in a sweet treat (when you know something more nutritious is on hand).
I need to do the REAL work – the heavy lifting. What does MY art look like?
I reflect on my quarantine projects:
1. Yoshi Tarot (obviously 2 borrowed ideas morphed into something playful and fun)
2. My Lapis Lazuli wall hanging: slightly truer because I had all the materials on hand, but it was still loosely based on the beautiful crafted wreaths and crystal wall art on Instagram and Etsy
3. Astral Woman pendulum board: based on a witchy reseller’s pendulum board, with some major improvements and embellishments.
When I sit down to make something, I think:
1. I saw this thing I wanted but I can’t afford it/justify it, etc.
2. I think this would be a cool thing to have, does it exist? Can I buy it? Oh no, no one’s made it yet?
And then I just sit down and make the thing. It’s always about my own wants. It does not speak to any truth besides “gimme gimme gimme!”
I know I am capable of creating many more beautiful, wonderful works of art. My next project is to come up with something original that speaks to my inner truth, that conveys a deeper meaning or is thoughtfully planned – not just something pretty to look at with wow-factor.
The New Moon in Cancer was sending me all the energy and tools I needed to really learn this hard truth about myself. (To be fair, Scorpio Husband has been telling me this for a long time, trying to encourage me to be more thoughtful and I have responded poorly. I am embracing it now!)
Universe, thank you for your wisdom.
Moon, thank you for showing me that what I mustn’t fear my “dark side”; that examining it with an open mind is a necessary step in my personal growth. I learn from it, love myself through it, and continue evolving.
Update: I just sold the pink/yellow/gold version to a friend for $40. 🙂
a MoonOmens live Global Meditation ::: 5/22/2020
“I am here in this moment filled
with emotions and feelings. A lot
has unfolded this month, and as
I make sense of it all, I surrender
and trust that all is well and
divine timing is at work.”
~ Shawn Fontaine
I am not aware of any presence beyond my own. I have arrived at my garden to find myself transported, trapped, entangled in the wild and unkempt wilderness. It is dark and purple and I am bound by ropes of plant material – not ivy, but strands of thick green vegetation. Like a maze of pumpkin vines, they are wrapped around my body, strapping me to the earth as I lie on my back, looking helplessly up at the swirl of the sky.
I am not breathing normally. My lungs are struggling to take in breaths that are satisfying. I pant. I am distracted. It’s not even nighttime. I don’t like this – this doesn’t feel right. Why am I alone? Where is Gemini? I am fluttering between the garden and real life, blipping in and out of each.
Of course… I am Gemini. I am both Twins.
I take a moment to concentrate on breathing and bring the me in real life to the me in the garden. I am disjointed, disconnected. I need to actually pull myself together. Bring the physical to the spiritual. In real life, I have brought a selenite tower. It is crude as a wand, but it will work. My left palm is open, facing up and open to the stream of universal truth and knowledge. My right hand holds the tower, pointing inwards at an angle. I am swirling the crystal, stirring the energy that holds the vines in place. I am twirling the vines up and away with the crystal, like spaghetti around a metaphysical fork. I fling it off and away, and go back for more. I release this energy, this symbolic impediment, this stagnation, back into the universe.
I feel … simultaneously embarrassed for myself, because I am so sure this looks dumb. I am also confused, because it seems to be actually working. In the garden, I am free of the earthen prison. In real life, I am calm and breathing and relaxed. My brow has softened, and I feel … lighter!
I am One Gemini, both Twins, body and spirit, and I put the garden visualization aside. I snap back to real life and zone into what the speaker is saying. My eyes are closed and I am crying, though just a tiny bit. This session confuses me. I am feeling too human; I am stupidly incapable and unable to grasp the true lesson today. I did not even get to check in on my Light Plant. I tell myself that it is okay to be imperfect; just go with it. Listen to your body this time. Quietly I sit, watching the blackness behind my eyelids churn slowly like a lava lamp. I feel the familiar tingle in my extremities. I relax. I breathe. I listen.
The speaker says something along the lines of,
“My past self would be so grateful to see where I am now. All they wanted was to know that I would make it through and be okay. Here I am.
So here I am.”
And there is the truth. How quickly I have forgotten how recently it was I was searching for reassurance. I got it. I made it. I was saved. I moved on. And so soon after, I lost sight of my own struggle – almost immediately!! I apologized to the Universe for being a brat. I thanked the selenite for the role it played – as a symbol or an actual item of power, I am not certain.
Now, it is back to work.
a MoonOmens live Global Meditation ::: 4/22/2020
“I welcome the unexpected,
and I am ready for the unknown.
May what’s meant for me
enter my life effortlessly.”
~Shawn Fontaine
I am in a garden, glowing dark like Blackreach. Grass waving in the breeze like seaweed underwater. The dirt is black and damp and rich. I pull out a piece of my light and plant it, bury it. I will come back here and water it, check on it, grow my light until I can harvest it, eat it, delight in it, share it’s abundance.
Suddenly a shadowy bull is there, Taurus. I lay on his back on my stomach and we are going somewhere important. A slow, relaxed pace. He is happiness. He is safety. Everything is glittering, luminescent, floating. Pink and purple Spanish moss hang low around us and graze my bare arms. They are folded beneath my chin like a pillow tangled in his dark lavender gray mane. When we stop, I open my eyes and see swirling nothing, like glitter in a shaken cocktail.
In real life, my arms are cold. I notice it and lift my hands to feel what seems to be a cold current of air. Curious. Is this my link to the Universe? I open my eyes. My finger tips are gently pulsing. I think of a memory: Grandma. We are sitting at her kitchen table with coffee and potato chips. I am 7 or 8. She is wearing blue and touching only her fingertips to mine and I feel them pulsing; a heartbeat, but just one beat. She smiles her jolly grin and says, “This is our heartbeat. When we touch our fingertips to each other’s, we are connected. Cool, huh?” And in bed, I am silently weeping. The world is scary and I think, “What is happening, Grandma? What is going on here on Earth? Are we going to be okay? Please tell me this will be okay…” and the cool air slowly fades… and my fingertips are void of anything extra. It’s just me. Nothing. I am worried for a moment, thinking Nothing means Something Bad and then in anger I demand, “But I need reassurance!!”
And it’s clear now. That’s the point. You don’t just get reassurance. You just need to go with it and trust you will somehow be okay. Or maybe you won’t be okay. But you don’t always get to know; there’s no guarantee. So I recall the mantra of the day: I am going into the unknown and I am ready. I am strong and brave like the bull. I am peaceful, like the bull.
I close my eyes and return to Taurus. I pat him on the shoulder and hold him lightly by the horn. We travel back from the Nothing to the garden. I inspect my plot to ensure the seeds are firmly planted. I am ready to go. I’ll come back to my garden soon. The lightseeds I plant and tend to will help me become the best version of myself and that excites me.
Margot Velvet 